Saturday, July 9, 2011


It's Date Day. 

Which is really just another typical day, only in my anticipation I woke up at 8:15am...

...on a GD Saturday. 

Okay, okay, really I just had to piss like a racehorse due to the fact that I drank endless quantities of water last night to prevent any unflattering bloating today.  Seems to have worked, although one can never be too sure. 

I also went on a killing spree. 

For some reason, my patio has been attacked by these flying ant-like creatures.  They're not termites (you can be sure as shit I Googled that), they're big, and meaty, and winged.  And annoying as fuck.

So, I busted out my trusty RaidMAX Bug Barrier (This stuff truly works.  I highly recommend it.), and slayed the shit out of these swarming beasts. 

But, you know, I'm a peaceful soul.  I don't typically kill bugs.  Not even the gargantuan, capable-of-devouring-a-human-face spiders that are so bountiful at my home.  So, I feel kinda bad, I guess.

It was to the point that when I happened to see a small, harmless, although I'd no way in hell touch it, spider scrambling across the stairs, I shouted, "Run! Run!  I just sprayed!  Get out of there!"

I'm pretty sure he's now dead.  This stuff is no joke. 

I keep seeing one or two of those fucking flying ant-demons, much less than before I sprayed.  And then, a few minutes later---gone.  So it's working. 

In other news, I can't wait to start getting ready.  That's one of my favorite parts of anything I'm looking forward to.  I even bought actual shave gel.  I know.

Oh, and deodorant that smells like a freaking pomegranate had babies with Heaven itself. 

Of course, I had a run-in with some sensitive skin issues this past week, and now it looks like I have a giant hickey...on my chest. And I can't cover it up, so I'm just gonna rock it out.  "Hey, Date, I hope you don't mind, but I brought my fake sex nibble along.  Don't worry, he's pretty chill and doesn't really say much.  Plus, you could always use it as an excuse to catch glimpses of my rack.  So the way I see it, it's kind of a win, right?"

Ah.  Well, it's almost time to hop in the shower, wash mah' hairs, and prune the stalks.  Cannot.  Wait. 

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