Let's Talk About Spring

I'm working, listening to music and the sun is shining through my living room window.

Also, the weather forecast for the next 10 days is showing temps in the 50s and 60s and nothing really lower than the 40s.

Now, I don't know if all of these things (minus the working...) have combined to make my synapses dance with thoughts of springtime, but that's totally what's happening. 

I've come to a few conclusions based on these thoughts.  They are as follows:

1.) More sundresses.  There was a year where for one summer I designated Tuesdays as "Dress Tuesdays" and wore a dress every Tuesday.  That was fun.  But I only had like 3 dresses.  Still...fun.  This year, I think I'll be expanding my sundress collection. 

1a.) I'll also be purchasing a few pairs of shorts so I can still run around like an idiot without the world being privy to my underwearssssss...

1b.) I should get some new underwear...just in case I forget to wear shorts.

2.) Sandals and flip flops.  I paint my nails and toes nearly every other day.  I'm pretty fickle with the polish color.  Plus I own about 100 bottles of nail polish.  So it makes sense that when it warms up, I bust out the toeless shoes to let my feet breathe and show the world my bounty of nail color. 

2a.) Low-top Converse: I need a pair of these.  I feel like they go well with sundresses and just about everything else.  And they're a lot easier to run around in. 

3.) More time outside.  Being that I now work remotely, you bet your sweet ass I'm working outside as often as possible.  How sweet would it be to get a wireless card and work from the beach?  Super sweet.  I'm totally looking into that. 

3a.) When it comes to playtime, also outside.  And I'm dead set on finding a tire swing.  Because in my mind's eye, I picture myself, sundress-clad and barefoot (sandals strewn at the base of a nearby tree), swinging on a tire swing.  And I like that idea.

4.) Wandering Chicago with my iPod.  Just aimless wandering.  Which means I need to fill up my iPod with walkin' songs.  You have any good ones?  Let me know.  Walkin' and thinkin' songs. 

5.) Mount Baldy Beach: I only went once last year.  What a pity.  This year, I'm going at least a handful of times.  And actually, perhaps a few dune trail hikes.  Here I am, super close to one of the prettiest things Mother Nature has given this world, The Dunes, and I'm not enjoying it.  This year, that changes.

6.) I'm learning to use my grill, dammit.

7.) Ice cream and popsicles (pronounced "poss-icles"...obviously).  My freezer will be perpetually stocked with these items. 

8.) Picnics?  I haven't been on a picnic since 2005.  And homegirl knows how to make a sandwich.  Seems like such a waste I haven't put that skill to good use with some outdoor eating on a blanket.  Done.

9.) Outdoor restaurants.  Indiana doesn't really have many.  Plus the view is likely of a Target parking lot.  Hey, Chicago restaurants with outdoor patios, allow me to introduce myself and my appetite this year.

10.) Lakeshore Drive with the sunroof open and the windows down.  I usually take the expressway into town.  But in nicer weather, LSD is a great detour.  And who cares about traffic.  More time to enjoy the scenery.

All right, Lady Spring...I've got an agenda.

Let's do this.

Soon.

Fuuuuudge.

I haven't had ice cream since January. 

Until today.  Today I devoured a pint of Moose Tracks in under 30 minutes.  It was a delightful experience. 

It was also a last hurrah before going into healthy mode March 1.  I don't need to lose weight, but I feel like I could stand to get more physical on a daily basis.  Winter always puts me in hibernation mode.

And working from home, while it's amazing, doesn't really help. 

I guess coming out of the grey days of winter and what's been a rocky end to 2011 and rocky start to 2012, it's time for some change.  Shake things up.  Do something different...for myself.

And I have my eye on a new bikini.

Spring is coming, and just like the flowers, I intend to blossom and bloom.

Oy, 2012. Oy.

Well, I'll keep this short, but I felt it necessary to post as this blog isn't going anywhere, anytime soon.

I had started a different blog project earlier this month, in the hopes of reaching some deeper level of self discovery.

What I really did was, well...I think I was just venting and trying to convince myself that I was stronger or more resilient than I actually was at the time.  "Fake it 'til you make it" or so they say.

Yeah, that doesn't always work.  So I deleted that project, took some time off, and decided to just be really honest with myself and deal with whatever it was that was going on in mah' brains.

And I'm not so stressed about it anymore.  As a matter of fact, I'm actually doing pretty darned good.  So it's back to this fun blog about random shit in my days and weeks and months. 

Speaking of, I am incredibly excited for February to be done.  2012 seemed to start out pretty darned good, but then I hit some rough spots, like my car debacle for instance, and then February just kind of became a diarrhea shitstorm.  Not just because of particular things, just in general.  And I think I'm mostly accountable for the way I let myself view everything.

Luckily though, it's a short month and it ends on Wednesday.  And with March comes leaves on trees, and warmer temperatures and I'm just another step closer to flip flops; which are the counterpart to my knee sock addiction in the colder months. 

So we're back to the good times with the ol' BB20s blog, folks. 

Let's all do a happy dance.

Or just watch me have a difficult time at the Target trying on shoes:

Random.

Blogging because my virtual office is down.

Working in a virtual office obviously has its perks: pajama-heavy work wardrobe, limitless smoke breaks, couch desk, bad tv as background noise, the ability to play word games on my phone between writing articles, passing gas whenever I need to, not even having to wear pants if I don't feel like it...etc.

But it also has its downsides...

...like when the office has a connection problem and I can't pull any stories.

This is one of those moments.  So I've decided to update the 'ol blog while I wait...


So, I'm easily swayed by fiction.

Maybe it's because I'm a writer or because I have a very active imagination, but there are times when I watch tv or see a movie and think, "Dude...I want that moment."

I guess you could also chalk it up to the fact that I'm...and I have a hard time admitting this publicly for some reason...but, I...I'm...I'm kind of a hopeless romantic.

Hold on...let me explain that before I go on...because, well, because I'll feel better about it.  (I'm about to try to remove all the sappiness out of something inherently sappy.  I like a good challenge...obviously.)

I don't know if it's technically that I'm a hopeless romantic, it's just...I like great moments.  Sure, some of these "moments" would fall into the category of "romantic" in a traditional sense, but others not so much.  For example, cooking dinner in the kitchen while my son does his homework and having a fun, memorable conversation with him that's filled with laughter--that's one of these moments. 

Or imagining building our annual snowman with him later on this weekend and coming inside for hot cocoa and a movie.
 
See?  Not really romantic.  More like endearing.  So perhaps I'm more hopelessly infatuated with endearing moments and not simply "romance."
But then...then I get these other ideas of moments that are, indeed, sappy and romantic. 

Like this one:


I first got it into my head while watching an episode of Sex and the City (first of all, shut it.  It's not a bad show, really.  Some parts are ridiculous, but it's entertaining.  And as a thirtysomething, I can relate to some scenarios. I will admit, I roll my eyes at other scenarios...it's a delicate balance, really). 

Are those mix CDs? I would hope so.

So anyways...the episode...right.  In the episode, Carrie went to visit Mr. Big as he was packing to move away.  He pulled out a Henry Mancini record with a version of "Moon River" on it, put it on the record player and they danced, barefoot in the living room.

And as I sat on my couch, clad in pajamas, eating chocolate, with a cat on my lap and a mud mask on my face...I thought, "Gee whiz.  THAT is awesome.  I want to do that." (Except, instead of Mancini, I'd listen to Van Morrison and Otis Redding.)

Okay, wait...that was my second thought.

My first thought was, "I am sitting on the couch, clad in pajamas, eating chocolate, with a cat on my lap and a mud mask on my face...watching Sex and the City...30-something has officially happened.  Shit just got real."

But then I had that second thought.

And I don't know, the sweet simplicity of it just hit me somewhere where I keep my girly-girl stuff tucked away.

I mean, actually, I tend to find the best moments are the ones that are unconventionally and unintentionally romantic/endearing.

But then there are those textbook cases, like slow dancing to Van Morrison barefoot in the living room, that remind me that no matter how random and weird I actually am...within me lies a girly-girl that is undeniably part of my DNA make up.

And it makes me laugh a little...these silly little notions I come up with sometimes.

Because on the flip side, I find sitting on the couch watching and laughing at Beavis and Butt-headto be an equally romantic, endearing...and obviously awesome...moment, too.

I know, right?  I'm such a freaking dichotomy.

The Creative's* Catch-22

*not just limited to Creatives I suppose, actually.

A friend of mine recently posted a very nice quote on his social media page:

"Simply, do what u love, what makes u happy, your art. The rest is just not important:)"

 Now, first off let me say, I think this is a great quote and super inspiring.  I'm out of coffee at the moment and I STILL got a warm feeling in my insides from it.

Second, I'm most definitely not trying to undermine my friend's reason to post this quote (most likely to inspire) or to call him out on anything.

It's just, the quote really got me thinking.  I mean, REALLY thinking.

I commented on his quote:

"And then you have a baby...and it all changes lol (although, it's not impossible...just full of detours.)"

Because guess what?  For me?  That's all I know.

But the tough part is, at least in my chosen field of goals, I don't know anyone else who has the slightest idea how to relate because I don't know anyone in my chosen field of goals who has been a parent for nearly 12 years, 9 of which have been single-parent status.

(I am lucky enough to have a great friend and co-parenting relationship with my ex-husband, but that doesn't make it as smooth sailing as a two-parent household by any means.  Heck, even two-parent households are hectic.  Parenting is a crazy, emotional and labor-intensive job, folks...in case anyone had any question.)

I see a lot of people, like my friend, who post these wonderful, beautiful messages of "go for it!"  "follow your dreams!"  "be who you were meant to be!"

And I like these statuses, both on an internal like level and physically clicking "like" on Facebook.  I adore them, truth be told.  And I try, I try my damnedest to follow and believe them.

But here's the thing: when you're responsible for shaping the life of another human being who loves you more than anything else in the world (and who, as it's my case, is teetering between childhood and teenagerhood--a very delicate and bittersweet time), how can you possibly just let everything else fall away for your dreams?

You can't. There are mortgages and bills and school events and dinners to cook and laundry to do and a house to clean and periods of time where you must dedicate yourself to discussing the latest episode of The Misadventures of Flapjack or a new internet meme with someone who will never know what a cassette tape is and, as I've recently found out, has no idea how to work a landline telephone.

Normally, I forget about this delicate balance.  When I do have my "me" time to do with as I please, I throw myself into it and enjoy the hell out of it.  Although, in the back of my mind I'm probably feeling guilty for not being "good enough" as a mom.  Mom guilt.  This is also a thing.  No matter how available and supportive a mom is, guess what?  She probably feels like she can do more.

And therein lies the rub.  The "damned if you do, damned if you don't" idea.

If I were to throw all of those feel good, inspirational , dream-following quotes down the Bemis, sure...I could devote more time to parenting my son.  Sounds great then, right?  Just give up and you won't feel guilty!

Ah-ha!  That's where you're wrong.  Because in doing that, I'd be doing a great disservice not only to myself...but to my child.  You see, in order to be  a good parent, it's my opinion that you must still follow those things that spark passion and joy within you.  It's almost living by example in a way.  Proving those quotes.  Showing and not telling that yes, dear child of mine, you can do what you know in your heart you are meant to be doing.

So those quotes, they're valid. But they're not all encompassing, I guess is my point.

You see, the rest IS important. I don't have the luxury of screwing up and failing remarkably and only answering to myself and perhaps a debt collector or irate landlord.

Nope.

If I screw up, I not only answer to myself, a few debt collectors and in my case a mortgage company...but I have to answer to someone who counts on me for just about everything you could ever possibly imagine.

So yes, sure, I can fail...but I can't do so with such unabashed and carefree glory as most of the folks who are also in my field of goals.

And believe me, I have failed...many times.  And I don't really plan to stop any time soon, because I also don't plan to give up.  And the only way you really learn and can see how far you've come is through making mistakes along the way.  Otherwise, what have you to appreciate?  Right?

But for my friends in the biz, community, etc., whatever, I offer this to you as well: the rest IS STILL IMPORTANT.

The "rest" is what makes you "you."  Uniquely.

Don't go blind to the "rest" in order to hunt down your dream and hang it proudly on your wall.  Because when you do that, you miss the good stuff.  Or maybe you don't.  I don't know.

I do know this: my road is winding and often times cracked and hard to maneuver.  I can see all of these other roads around me, they seem so much easier and more carefree, and admittedly sometimes I feel a little envious...I absolutely do (because contrary to some belief, I'm human).

But that unique and challenging road of mine has indeed given me some remarkable gifts.  These gifts don't always make it easier to reach my goals (much like obtaining a smart phone, although great and a lot of fun, has not increased my productivity in any significant way...)

I don't know, I guess sometimes I realize that I've made my own bed, I've determined my life to this point based on the choices I've made, but it would be nice I guess, if someone else could relate to it.  To understand what it would feel like if just leaping and risking a big fall was sort of impossible.

To feel what it was like to have to scale the mountain instead of just bounding over it without fear or hesitation.

And at times, I wish I understood the freedom in what they get to experience by not having to be so cautious.  By not worrying about the "rest."

Actually, I do.  I just haven't experienced it in about 12 years.

But I wouldn't change it for the world.

What I would like to change are these quotes.  Maybe add one or two to the boundless lot that accommodate those of us wearing a safety harness for obvious reasons.  I mean, can a woman (or a man) get a:

"Follow your dreams, never give up, you can do whatever it is you set your  mind to, do what you LOVE...

...but also, fold the laundry, thaw the chicken for dinner, and hug your kid extra tight tonight...it might take a bit longer, but you'll get there...eventually.  It's totally okay if you can't just leap.

Because remember:  without your baby steps, you'd have never even hit your strides."

 But I will still always appreciate all of those inspirational quotes my friends post, whether they apply fully or not.  Because just the idea of staying positive is an awesome thing.   And there's nothing wrong with that.

Plus, they're great, awesome, inspiring, talented, nice people...and I adore them.

On an unrelated note, thinking about this makes me very happy:

Heaven, apparently, is a freezer.

Look at this freezer.




And yes...that's an almost never-ending supply of different flavors of ice cream.

"I'm wearing balloons and everyone's worried" or: "NYE 2011 - 2012"

It's a brand new year e'rybody!

I am a party.

I happened to ring it in with a gaggle of great friends, and although I think the wine and champagne *might* have gone to my head just a wee bit towards the end of the evening, I have to say, it was a pretty damn good NYE celebration.

I did partake in some NYE rituals: wearing pink underwear for luck (I've also heard red, which I used to do for years, but that never seemed to work out well.  So this year?  Pink.  With little red hearts.  Perfect.), and I even ate 12 grapes (although it was way after midnight and I only remember about 3 of the wishes I made...out of the 12...one for each grape.)

And of course, by the end of the night I was wearing a party hat, drinking out of a champagne bottle and covered in balloons.  True Tiff fashion.



I don't really have any expectations for the new year.  In my 31 years I've discovered it's always best to stay in the moment instead of trying to plan out every single detail.  I mean, of course I have hopes and dreams and goals, but I'm flexible, I guess.

I rather enjoy the unexpected detours, especially when they take me somewhere great that I wouldn't have otherwise discovered if I'd followed my plans to a T.

I would like to start a diary though.  I mean a hand-written, private diary. I still have my diary from my freshman year of high school, which is hilarious. It's a testament to my survival of my teens and a reminder that things tend to work out precisely as they should, whether you planned them or not.  Usually "or not."

I do realize that my priorities have started shifting a bit, though.  It's weird.  And I don't know if it's because it's a new year or because I'm in my thirties.  I guess I've started reevaluating a lot of things, or actually it might be that I've stopped fearing some of the things that had until recently scared the ever-loving bejeebus out of me.  More on that later perhaps?

And no, I don't have any resolutions to quit smoking or lose weight.  The only real resolution I have is to be grateful for each day I have, for each single moment I'm a part of.  And it is with high hopes that this attitude will make 2012 a beautiful year, full of happiness and abundance.

This is my hope for all of you as well.

I also just won a game of Words with Friends against Mr. J.  Things are definitely looking good for 2012.

A short thought

There is something to be said about the way it makes you feel to be called beautiful by someone who has seen you when you've looked your worst...ish.

:)

30/30/30 - Day #7: Submit a headshot/res or audition for something

So, I realize I've been absent from the blog for a few days.

Ya know?  Sometimes life just gets heavy and you have to deal with it before you can move on to your other stuff.  So I apologize, but I'm happy to announce that not only am I back, but I'm back feeling better than ever AND I was motivated to complete another item on my list:

Day #7 - Submit a headshot/res or audition for something
Status: Completed

This is me as a tot.
(AKA I didn't have any other pics
for the blog post.)

Today, I mean literally an hour ago, I sent off my headshot and res to a casting agency.  Now, it's mainly for work as an extra, but it's a start.  Plus, it was an easy thing to cross off the list.  Why I waited so long to do it, I have no idea.  Fear?  Perhaps.  A false idea that I was unable to do so?  More likely. 

I have so many things left on my list and only about 17 more days to do them.  I'm coming to the realization that I might not get to everything on the list.  While I'm a little bit saddened, I also just know that I've still got time so I'm not giving up. 

What shall I do for tomorrow?!  Video journal my whole day?  Could be fun.  Maybe I'll write those letters to people.  I just need to get on the ball.  Any ball.  In a big way.

Well, okay...not just any ball. 

Nutsack.

(Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

30/30/30 - Day #6: See a concert

Day #6 - See a concert

Status: Completed

I went to see Garfunkel & Oates at the Mayne Stage.  I discovered by accident that they were having a contest, the winner of which would receive an autographed poster from G&O.

What was the contest?  Well, in honor of Chicago being named Most Mustache-Friendly City, best mustache (real or fake) at each of the four performances would win said poster.

I knew immediately that I would be coming home with a poster Friday night.  Why?  Because:

I know, I know.  It looks natural, right?

Best part?  I was scared shitless to stand around wearing a huge fake mustache.  I wasn't sure if I'd be the only one or not, but instead of catering to that fear, I got my tickets from the window, and promptly applied my giant 'stache, wearing it with pride until the show started.  I got a lot of smiles, points, and giggles.  But most of all, I had a lot of fun wearing a giant mustache in public...while drinking PBR tallboys.  (Talk about a challenge.  I had to find a way to get the can to my mouth without incident.  Eventually I hatched a plan that involved putting the 'stache on my chin.  Like a mustache beard.  It worked like a charm.)

And...as I'd proclaimed the moment I heard about the contest:

It's a major award!

I won.  I totally won.  

Boom.

30/30/30 - Day #5: Cook dinner for Laughs

Day #5 - Cook dinner for Laughs

Status: Completed

Chicken Paprikash.
100% Hungarian.
Made by a 50% Hungarian.

Wednesday night after work I came home and cooked up a family favorite: Chicken Paprikash.  I'm half Hungarian and this was kind of a staple in my family.  I was super excited to try my hand at it, as I've never cooked it before.  Lo and behold, it turned out pretty damned good.  The only things I'd change: smaller, thinner dumplings (when they said "walnut-sized" I was unsure if they meant shelled or unshelled.  In hindsight, I'm pretty sure they meant unshelled.), and since the chicken was boneless (ack...I can't eat meat off the bone.  Harf.), I would have let it simmer in the sauce for about 5 minutes less.

I also probably would have used smaller plates.  

I do know I'll be making this dish again.  As well as attempting new stuff.  Cooking is actually pretty fun, guys.  In case you were unaware.

30/30/30 - Day #4: Karaoke Performance

Day #4 - Do karaoke, but actually have stage presence

Status: Completed

For a woman who has spent the better part of her life on stage doing plays, singing, and now improvising, it's probably surprising that when it comes to regular karaoke (a hobby I've had since I was 18 - yes, I snuck into a bar.  Our friend was the bartender.  And hey, I only drank alcohol there ONCE(ish).  Anyways...)

...when it comes to regular karaoke...I am the biggest chicken shit in the world of chicken shits.  Sure, I'll sing.  Heck, I'll even belt it sometimes.  But when it comes to looking like I'm having a great time on stage (even though I am---or thought I was), I fail miserably.

Why?  

Because truth be told, I'm afraid.  Of what, I don't know.   It's karaoke, not some sort of twisted "Sing for your life!" torture method.  Maybe it's of being judged.  Maybe it's of sounding bad and not wanting to have to admit it.  

Maybe it's just some rare form of stage fright that only occurs at bars.

I don't know.  But this is precisely why I added "Do karaoke, but actually have stage presence" to my list.

And last night...it happened.  

Laughs and I had plans for a night in my neck of the woods on Tuesday night.  (He's really great about sharing the back and forth, which makes me one happytastic gal.)  

We decided to hit up my favorite hole-in-the-wall for some karaoke.  (Which, by the way, because this needs to be said: The man can sing. I mean, just...wow.  Yeah.  Laughs has some rad pipes.)

As the night wore on, I knew I needed to make good on that list item.  I knew I needed to push past my fear, and get out there and perform.  Not just stand on the stage, hiding, with a mic up to my mush.  But rock and roll and have fun, not caring about what the heck anyone thought.

"If you're gonna fail, fail big."  Words of advice from a smart guy.  And so I just kept repeating that over and over.  Until finally, "Next up, we've got Tiff singing..."

This was it.  The moment of truth.  The moment of accomplishing something else on my list. 

The moment of I might piss my pants out of adrenaline and nerves but who cares.

I walked up, grabbed the mic, and sang Let's Get it On by Marvin Gaye.  Not only did I sing but I walked around, I danced, and at one point the music got into my muscles and bones and I jumped around like a fool.

A very happy fool who was having so much fun.

When the song ended, I walked back to where Laughs and I were sitting, feeling like a new person entirely.  I also wondered how for so long, I did this thing I loved for over a decade without having THAT much fun.  And sure, I crossed something off the list, but more than that I discovered that I need not be afraid to fail.  That what should be driving me is a passion for what I'm doing, and the desire to make everything I do as enjoyable as I possibly can.  Whoa.  Mind blown.

I had to thank Laughs for reminding me that it's okay to fail, especially if you do so in the biggest way possible.  Luckily that night, I didn't fail.  But the truth is, I couldn't fail.  Because I had already succeeded in pushing past my own silly barrier just by making the attempt and following through.

After my song, Laughs went up to sing.  And he too sang his song in the middle of the room...and tore the place up.  (Do I remember a little air guitar in there?  I think I do, L.  I think I do.)  

And in that moment, not only did I appreciate the fact that I had just challenged myself and succeeded, but here I am with this guy who supported me in my nerves and fear, and is now performing his karaoke song to the crowd as well (and killing it). 

I'm hoping that lesson sticks, and not just with karaoke but with everything I do or hope to do.  

I mean, I know it'll stick with me for karaoke---it was so much fun to be silly and free, why would I ever go back to the alternative?!

I'm going to have to double up!

I failed to complete any of my list items yesterday -- however, that doesn't mean the day was spent doing nothing.  As a matter of fact, it turned out to be rather busy.  Aside from catching up at work, I also managed to take Max to get his 6th grade immunizations in the morning, go grocery shopping, make Hungarian Nokedli (dumplings), and tidy up and do laundry.

I went non-stop from 7:15am until midnight.  Let's break it down a bit, shall we?

Immunizations -
Max requested that I take him to get his shots.  I don't know if it's that he feels less scared when I'm around, or if he knows I'll do my best to diffuse the situation with humor as often as possible.  As we sat in the waiting area, I could tell he wasn't looking forward to the nurse calling our number.  As a matter of fact, the whole ride there he kept asking, "How many minutes until we get there?"

I remember that feeling.  I hated shots.  In 5th or 6th grade I remember knowing a week in advance that I'd be getting a physical for volleyball that included a round of booster shots.  That whole week I pinched my arms in a last ditch effort to try and desensitize my arms to the pain of the shot needles.

I also remember wearing a t-shirt that was spackled with puff paint and had fringe on it.  Gross.

So when they finally called our number, I made it a point to keep things light.  And we ended up playing an improv warm up through all three shots.  We both laughed.  Heck we even got the (very busy) nurse to giggle after she was all done.  Max was super brave, and honestly, the whole thing was probably scarier for me than for him.

Grocery Shopping - 
God bless Aldi.  $26 for like 7 bags of groceries?  Yes, please.  Thank you.  (Also, their generic Oreos are awesome.  I had 12.  TWELVE.)

Hungarian Nokedli -

Only 50% Hungarian, but I felt 100%! Boom.

I'm Hungarian, and I want to make dinner for Laughs this week.  So I thought I'd get a jump on things by making the dumplings I need for the dish ahead of time.

Plus, I had Max to help me.  They turned out...um...all right.  Best part was making a mess with flour and dough.  I might have to attempt the dumplings again when I cook the actual dinner later this week though.






 
Bottom Line - 
Sure, I didn't hit anything on my list today, however, I still got so much accomplished.  So I don't feel super terrible about it.  I mean, I can always catch up.  The real goal here is to try and accomplish as much as possible before 31.  Especially the things I really want to experience.  And I'm gonna keep on truckin' with it!

30/30/30 – Day #3 – Spontaneous and Unplanned

Day #3 – Do something spontaneous or unplanned

Status: Completed

This worked out swimmingly.

This challenge, coincidentally, just kind of spontaneously came to be.  

It started with Laughs spontaneously joining me for my drive to rehearsal - just because (which I thought was the best), and followed with one rehearsal being switched to a hang out day last minute.

After that, I had some random hang time with Laughs (and football), before heading back home, where the spontaneity culminated with one of my best girls randomly seeing what I was up to.  She ended up stopping by for some girl talk and just a nice evening of catching up to cap off the weekend.  

Might not sound super exciting, but in my world, being spontaneous can be difficult.  It was nice to randomly have a day where the planning was almost nonexistent and I got to just let things happen and enjoy them.  I need to try and incorporate more of that into my life, or at the very least be grateful for the sparse moments that it happens.  

30/30/30 - Day #2: Five Compliments

Day #2: Give at least 5 random compliments to people (friends or strangers)

Status: Completed

You ARE beautiful, by the way.

This challenge didn’t initially start as a challenge.  It started with a compliment to Laughs randomly early in the afternoon.

As the day wore on, I realized that of the items on my list, it was unlikely that I’d be able to complete anything else.  (Laughs and I had gone to see Drive – great flick, by the way – and then we both had shows later in the evening.  So there wasn’t a whole lot of time for me to sneak in some other item on the list.)

So as I walked to my show, trying to think about the list and what I should cross off, I remembered the earlier compliment I gave and decided to find four more opportunities to give someone a genuine compliment about something I noticed and appreciated.  

I ended up using the four remaining compliments in the following ways: I thoroughly enjoyed a fellow teammate's work in our show, so I let her know.  I let another teammate know that I am always impressed by his natural ability to be hilarious on (and off) stage without really trying.  I let another teammate know that his laugh is absolutely infectious and awesome.  And finally, I shared with another teammate that his support on stage and in rehearsals is absolutely amazing. 

Maybe it wasn’t the most epic of challenges, but I will say this: it was nice letting people know the positive things I see in them, and so I plan to make sure that I do that much, much more often.

Oh, you're probably wondering what I told Laughs, aren't you?  If you must know, that initial compliment was that he has a great voice.  Because he totally does.  :) 

30 Things/30 Days/30: #1 - The List

Day #1 - Compose a list of 30 things to do in 30 days while I'm still 30

Status: Completed

(In no particular order)

1. Make List
2. Write a song (BONUS: Perform it in public)
3. Give at least 5 random compliments to people (friends or strangers)
4. Host an improv show
5. Cook dinner for Laughs
6. Submit headshot/res or audition for something
7. Do something kind for a stranger
8. Clean out my closet
9. See a concert
10. Watch Citizen Kane
11. See a friend's improv show
12. Write a poem
13. Write a short story
14. Get a pedicure, manicure or facial (etc.)
15. Do something special for Maxwell randomly
16. Wake up early and enjoy coffee and the morning on the patio before work.
17. Do karaoke, but actually have stage presence
18. Enter something into a writing contest
19. Do something nice for my parents randomly
20. Go to a haunted house
21. Play as a guest with a friend's improv team or do a jam*
22. Save $50
23. Write one chapter of either book idea I have
24. Dress up nice and go out to dinner - either alone or with someone
25. Visit an art museum
26. Create a video journal of a single day and post it
27. Draw something
28. Do something spontaneous and unplanned
29. Karaoke in Chicago
30. Send handwritten notes to friends**

*For #21 I'm going to need a little help.  Improv friends, if you have a show that incorporates guest performers, let me know!

** Want a letter?  email me your address (tsvitko@gmail.com)

Day one is down.  29 more to go!

And again, share the blog.  It'll keep me motivated to conquer this!

30 Things in 30 Days while I'm still 30 - The Prologue

Okay guys, this might be quite a challenge.  I just thought of it this very second, so I have absolutely no plan in place - but fuck it, I''m doing it.

Doing what?  Oh, yes, some information would probably help. 

Today is September 23, 2011 - exactly one month until my 31st birthday.  It's the last month that this blog will still be relevant (although, with a little creative tweaking, I could probably just continue posting here throughout my 30s...but I kind of have other ideas.  Look at me, getting off track and ahead of myself.  GAH!)

I'm pushing off the dock and really setting sail into my 30s.  And I'm absolutely stoked about it.  I have loved 30 a butt ton.  I have always wanted to be 32 - been looking forward to it since I was in my teens.  (Weird, right?)  And this year, 31, is the bridge that leads to 32 and the rest of my 30s.  It's the first real step into actually entering this epoch of my life. 

30 was like just sitting on the shore waiting for the boat. 

In a month, that boat arrives and my ass is setting sail into the Ocean of Awesome (aka My Thirties).

I realize I didn't do all the things I had planned to do with this blog.  Which is actually a good thing.  It means that I was actually busy living my life during 30.  And I think that recently I've been pretty good about posting fairly regularly.

However, there were many months where I was severely lacking.  So here's what I plan to do to make up for it AND to make sure I live the shit out of the last month of 3-0.

I get a girl boner for lists.  True story.

I'm going to create a list of 30 things that I want to try, experience, or accomplish in the last 30 days of being 30.  (That's one per day, folks.)

So for the next 30 days, there will actually be a daily blog post.  Might not be anything exciting.  Might not even be interesting.  But it might be the most mind-blowing blog post the world has ever known.  Two sides to every coin, right?

I need to create my list, because like I said, I just opened up Blogger and this idea popped into my head.  I will post it later.  Which means that the first thing in this list will actually be to create the list.  That's some meta shit right there.

Holy balls.  This could be either really awesome, or really terrible.

But probably it will be TERRIBLY AWESOME! 

Boom. 

Express Yo'face

For most of my life I've been told I have an "expressive face."

My face...*might* be composed of 75% rubber.

And I totally agree with this.  In recent years, due to performing and improv, I've become far more aware of my face and its expressiveness.  Heck, sometimes in a scene I don't even need to say a word because the darn thing just speaks volumes for me.  (It's okay, my vocal chords appreciate the rest.)

However, there is a catch: my face doesn't always inform me when it's being so damn expressive.  It just kind of has a mind of its own. 

Or better yet, it doesn't have a mind, but rather it disconnects itself from my mind and just kind of does its own thing.

Case in point:  Last night I was in a show, having a great time, just playing and performing with one of my teams.  The show was pretty good, and very fun.  Wasn't our best work, but we had a good time and learned some things.  The audience also seemed to enjoy it which is always a nice bonus.

After the show, I met up with a friend who had watched from the audience.  He and I are on another team, so I gave him a ride to our rehearsal which immediately followed that particular show.  While we walked to the car he was telling me that he enjoyed the performance, and that I was funny in the piece (always good to hear), but then came..."But..."

As an improviser, it's always imperative to take any type of criticism in stride.  Besides, I could live a life free of criticism if I chose to - I mean, if I never wanted to accomplish or try anything ever. 

Gross. 

I'll take my chances of being criticized, thank you.

So I welcomed what was about to follow my friend's "But..."

"But," he said, "I noticed you making this face while you were standing on the sides."

He proceeded to imitate the face he was talking about.  It was part stink face, part deep in thought, part "WTF?!" 

And I totally didn't have a CLUE I was even making it.  I do remember getting into character on the sides, as one of my team mates signaled to me that he would be pulling that character out again soon, so to the best of my knowledge, that must have been what I was doing. 

God forbid my face was judging the scene.  My brain sure as hell wasn't.  In fact, my brain was actually having a lot of fun watching my friends do awesome things up there yesterday night. 

It was even trying to remember stuff it liked so I could use it later in the piece.

But my face...MY FACE!  It just went ahead and did its own thing. 

What worries me is that I know this is just one instance of many.  And it's one of the rare instances that someone actually mentioned it to me.  So today I've just been sitting here, thinking about all of the times I've probably been trying to feign some sort of emotion or attitude for whatever reason (Oh. Come. On.  We've all done it...), and my face...my honest, mindless, expressive face outs me every time. 

My face is really like a feral wallaby who has wandered into a heavily populated metro area.  It wants to fit in and understand (and, much like a wallaby, it's pretty darned cute, right?  Maybe? Whatever.), but you can't take the wild, ravenous beast out of a feral animal.  Not even a wallaby.  And when the mood hits, it will undoubtedly twist and contort and jerk itself around with reckless, albeit expressive, abandon.

But you know what?  I'm cool with it.  Because although I haven't mastered its power, I have learned to be able to use it in my improv work.  And it makes me uniquely me.  (Look, at almost 31 I've learned to see the value in not being like everyone else all the time.  It's actually a pretty great thing...being who you are, flaws, weird habits, oddities and all.)

Autumn (okay, still technically Summer) in New York

I thought writing about my first trip to New York would be easy.  The whole time I was there, I filed memories and moments away specifically for this very purpose.

But now I sit here in front of the computer, and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and at a loss for words. (Which, for a writer, is a terrible feeling.)

But let’s just see where this goes, shall we?  I’m just going to start writing with the hope that the right words come pouring out eventually.  Like a bout of constipation finally dislodged from the gut. 

 

Speaking of which, I’ve discovered that my body is odd when it comes to traveling.  I didn’t take a shit the entire time I was in NY.  I guess the change of routine really threw off my regularity.  So weird.  So gross.  So true.

I had anxiously awaited September 16, 2011.  I mean more than I anticipate my birthday, which as some of you may know, I begin counting down to sometime in July or August.

But this was a trip.  And actual trip on a plane.  Not to mention my first trip with Laughs.  So, I mean, lots of cool stuff going on all around, am I right?  I over packed, of course.  My bag weighed 34 flipping pounds.  And because I’m terrible about knowing what I want to wear in advance, I even ended up buying an outfit in Brooklyn.  

I could go through all of the details, moment by moment, but I think you’d get bored reading it all.  So I think the best course of action would be to summarize. 

I had a wonderful time.  I laughed a lot.  I smiled a lot.  I ate…A LOT.  I saw things I honestly never thought I’d have the opportunity to see.  (Like, well…New York, for example.)  I think before this whole trip came about, I had convinced myself that I was not allowed to experience things that other people get to experience.  Like traveling or vacations.  For some reason, I’d fallen into this pattern that my life is still on hold in the same capacity it was on hold when my son was an infant. 

 

(I mean, for Pete’s sake, I have a child, but I just realized I will no longer be shopping in the children’s section of a store.  He’s in men’s sizes now.  It’s a SUPER WEIRD thing to wrap your head around.  I have a man-child.  Holy balls.  HOLY BALLS.  It’s absolutely nuts to think about…so anyways…)

But the truth is, it’s not.  Sure, I can’t up and leave for 2 weeks straight without some massive planning and prep.  And true, I can’t just keep planning vacation after vacation or leave on a whim.  But I can visit places.  I can take airplanes to places.  I’ve started to gain a little more freedom in that respect.  And the coolest part?  There is so much I have yet to see that as time goes on, my options remain pretty much endless. 

 

New York: There's a lot of walking.

The other thing I noticed is that I have this deep appreciation and awe for places and things I’ve never experienced.  I felt like a child in some respects: wide-eyed and eager to take it all in.  I didn’t take a single sight, sound---or smell---for granted.   It was incredible.  It also didn’t hurt that I had a rather funny and knowledgeable tour guide with me. 

 

I even learned how to use the subway.  And being that the station near our hotel was closed and the trains weren’t running for THAT WEEKEND ONLY, I was pretty proud of myself and Laughs for owning the shit out of the MTA despite the odds being mildly stacked against us. 

 

I couldn’t have asked for a better experience—in all respects.  Between seeing NY, hanging out with some of the best people around, eating the most awesome food, and having so many moments that will forever be etched in my mind and heart, it was truly unbelievable. 

 

Moreover, it changed my perspective.  Like I said, I realized that I’m reaching a point in my life where I’m slowly getting a little more freedom to explore this life.  Sure, they’re just small bites, but they’re small, delicious bites. 

 

Admittedly, I’ve gotten a bit emotional about the whole trip since coming home.  Part of it might be a mild case of post vacation blues, but there’s another part of it is that I'm just so incredibly grateful to have had the experience that I can’t help but get a little teary thinking about it. 

 

Like I said, until this point, I’d never really considered visiting NYC (or anywhere really) an option.  I’d basically just kind of filed those dreams away somewhere in the recesses of my very busy brain, and didn’t think much of them.  I’d gotten so used to just believing that my path didn’t have those types of beautiful detours.

So when I realized that I had just conquered my first weekend in NY, and my first actual trip since 2007, it was like I had taken my very first breath.  I went to bed the Thursday before one person, and woke up Monday morning a different one.  A more energized one.  A more confident one.  One who realized that it might have taken many, many years, but I’m slowly taking my life and making it all of the things that it has the potential to be. 

Of course, finally seeing Max again after 4 days I also realized that part of that is being a good mom.  And it’s finding that balance that’s been a challenge.  This trip showed me that I can have that balance.  That I DO have that balance.

 

I feel like I absolutely need to end this post by abundantly thanking Laughs for making this trip more than just a trip to New York.  You made it an experience.  You made it fun.  You made my face hurt from laughing.  You made it a memory that I will never forget.  You made something I didn’t think I’d ever possibly do in the foreseeable future, absolutely possible.  So thank you, Laughs – it means so incredibly much to me.  More than I can even express. 

 

Additionally, you also made me want to get closet doors for a closet-sized bathroom. 

Something happened, Hoyt-Schermerhorn.  Something happened.